Thursday, March 23, 2006

Joe will be mine

The subject of our first stalk is:


Okay, so yeah, we're not the only ones stalking Joe. He's been nominated for "best blog" awards by several major online sources. Half of the gay world online reads him, and a lot of the straights, too.

And for good reason! His stories are amazing and amazingly well written. His political views are satisfyingly left, but the thinking kind of left, not the knee-jerk kind. His observations on NYC and Manhattan offer a rare perspective of honest insight tempered with humor and fondness for the city.

And he's hot. Oh, so hot.

Here and there Joe has even let slip an interest in leather. The odd photo of him all buffed up in a harness is enough to get any boy's heart racing. Yes, we know his circuit boy body days are a couple years past, but for boys like Joey and I, it really doesn't matter.

We slobber after him with a mix of daddy-lust, celebrity-awe, and that rare "if someone as smart as you sleeps with me then I can't be all that dumb" adoration. It's a deadly brew, at once intoxicating and motivating.

And, of course, we're not his type. Reading between the lines makes that much clear. A couple of recon missions by good friends has yielded proof. As near as we can tell, he likes them older, beefier, and hairier than either Joey or I can claim.

Yet somehow, this makes us want him more.

Joey has simply never been denied anything in his entire life. He doesn't whine and stamp his feet to get what he wants; he just keeps asking. He has worn down the resolve of granite statues with this technique. Christian is fond of a quieter, more insidious approach to stalking. This is sometimes referred to as the "ass glued to the couch" technique. It takes a bit longer, yes, but you'd be surprised how effective it can be!

Beware, Joe. Our two-pronged approach to your prong may be the most dangerous challenge you've faced in this city.

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