Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts

Thursday, July 16, 2009

In which I disagree with a luminary.

A big brouhaha has been going through the leather world and for the first time in a very long time, I feel compelled to comment.

Chuck Renslow, President of IML, has declared that nothing will be allowed in the vendor mart that tends to promote or advocate barebacking, i.e., bareback porn.

For this Mr. Renslow has been widely and loudly lauded. The sycophants of political correctness are shouting a loud "AMEN" at the sermon. So caught up are they in self-righteousness that they don't see the insidious destruction of a fundamental principle of democracy and a turn to the dark side of conservatism.

To begin the discussion, I refer you to a Merriam-Webster's definition. Liberalism is: (c) a political philosophy based on belief in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, and the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties; specifically: such a philosophy that considers government as a crucial instrument for amelioration of social inequities (as those involving race, gender, or class).

Queers and liberals are usually outraged when conservative Christians attempt to ban books with "gay themes" in order to protect their children from making what they believe is an unhealthy choice. We call this censorship--a constraint on civil liberties and freedom of expression--something we usually abhor.

The situation is somewhat different with STIs and HIV, of course, as the consequences of the choice to bareback are more scientifically concrete and less about culture. But the idea behind the comparison is the same--one group is deciding what is best for others to read, see, or know.

This edict that bareback porn will not be allowed at IML is an admission of defeat. The powers that be have failed to educate the community at large into making the healthier choice. Having failed to persuade, despite piles of money and decades of work, the freedom to choose is now taken away.

This action is not progressive or liberal, it is the essence of conservatism. By stooping to censorship, we have become what we most decry. We have violated a principle to which we expect others to adhere.

Yes, sometimes the results of the principle of free speech are hard to swallow. Sometimes the consequences are sickness and death. The principle of freedom of expression--our civil liberties--were bought with the lives and blood of thousands. It's an American principle, generally believed to be worth dying for.

I have heard the argument that IML is a private event and can set whatever policy they choose, which is true. However, in his letter, Mr. Renslow says, "We believe that it is our duty to inform and educate." In other words, he's using his position to influence the public and set public policy. IML cannot state its intent to influence the public and then retreat behind the defense that it is a private event. This is not an invitation-only party held in a basement, and pretending that it is in order to escape criticism and the scrutiny aimed at public policy setters is a specious and ineffective tactic.

With all that said, I know that this cannot have been an easy decision. I understand why it was made. I, too, want my brothers and sisters in leather to live long and healthy lives.

But while this policy may be for the best, it should not be lauded. This decision should be mourned as the sad last resort, and understood for what it really is: an admission that sometimes the conservative approach is necessary in order to achieve the greater good.

All leatherfolk lost some freedom today. I hope the upside is worth the sacrifice.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Artichokes.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

MIX 21 NYC

X Marks the Spot at MIX 21
Friday, October 17th, 10pm
217 Water Street at Beekman
2345JMZ to Fulton, AC to Broadway-Nassau
www.mixnyc.org

MIX 21 is the New York Queer Experimental Film Festival. I would like to tempt you especially to the X Marks the Spot event at 10:00pm on Friday. Filmed and projected on Super8, Punk Fuck Fuck!! is a Qurash Co-Lab film produced and directed primarily by my friends John and Blaise, along with a cooperative of talented, anarchist, Brooklyn-based, super-8 lovin' queers (including me!). All the films in this program look to be boner-inducing and are sure to leave you with lots of new ideas for bedroom fun.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Never forget you.

My apologies for the blog silence. To make up for it, here's a pic of me at IML this Memorial Day weekend. Maybe I'll actually report on it at some point.

There are tons of events going on in NYC this Summer, starting especially next weekend with Leather Pride.

And mark your calendars, the July NYboL party is TOGA, a frat party. Fun!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Gratuitous male beauty!!!

Above: the fantastically-named Brandon Hancock, who plays some sport, though I really can't be bothered to figure out which.

Brought to you by Hot Jock of the Day, a blog run by a friend of mine, which is celebrating its first year anniversary today. They've gone from 900 hits per month to 123,000 in just a year. Congrats guys!

Go check them out and drool.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

MAL, IML, and alphabet soup.

A NYboL associate whose blog I read and admire inspired me to write this post. It began as a comment on his recent post regarding MAL. Ultimately I didn't feel it was appropriate as a comment, however, as I am sure he is well aware of everything I have to say. My thoughts are more for the many others who I have heard express disdain or disappointment with the alphabet soup of leather gatherings.

Expectations are the worst part of leather events, if you ask me. When did it stop being extraordinary to see so many like-minded people, who spend most of their lives exercising severe discretion in exhibiting the particular nature of their individuality and personality, instead exalting and enjoying large volumes of those beautiful qualities which make them peers? Every time I begin to feel disappointed by MAL, IML, or the rest, I remind myself of the many years of my life during which I felt no kinship to any such group, no chance to meet a man with so many important qualities understood before the first exchange of words, and no understanding of those subtle yet powerful forces of my personality which have decided the direction of almost every part of my life. That I have the health and means to live a life which provides such opportunities is good fortune and success which many would envy.

I will be in DC for MAL. I cannot possibly be disappointed. The simple fact that such a gathering exists and I can be there is enough to make me happy, and as Drew says, everything else is gravy. I hope to see you there.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Honey, I'm taking up scuba diving.


Sometimes I wonder why I can't get more boys interested in going to church with me. All the kinkiest people are at church!

Take, for instance, the minister of Montgomery, Alabama's Thorington Road Baptist Church. Rev. Aldridge was found dead, alone in his home, hogtied, dressed in two wetsuits, a rubber mask, rubber gloves and socks, with many leather and rubber belts and straps holding it all together, and all topped off with a dildo up his butt.

Of course there's no way to be sure, but I suspect that this poor man would still be alive if he had an accepting support structure around him. He managed to have some incredibly elaborate gear sex alone (how does one hogtie oneself?!?!), and it's staggering to think what he might have come up with if he had the chance to explore his kink with another like-minded man or woman. At least with someone else in the room he may not have strangled himself!

Today is National Coming out Day. It will pass quietly for me, as it does every year, because I have very few closets left. I'm lucky to live in NYC, where being different is pedestrian and conformity can be outrageous. However, for those who endure fearful lives in places like Alabama, having visible peers could make all the difference. I salute all the high-profile individuals who are brave enough to come out and live directly in the glare of today's media spotlight.

Visit Towleroad for lots of cool videos and coverage.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Big, bad, bold.

Above: photos from the Newd party last night at the Eagle.

Wow, what a good time that was. Do I look happy tying up the hottie? Actually, it was the end of the evening by then, and I was untying him. Hopefully a clear photo of the body harness will come through, because it was fairly impressive. Of course he looks hot with all the lights as well. Peter does an amazing job with the photos.

It's a good thing I'm not actually a bondage top, because I'd spend most of my time making things pretty, and very little worried about whether my bottom was having any fun!

I never thought I'd be part of performance art, but that's really what it is, and it a whole big bucket of fun. I'm going to be smiling about it for a long time.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

All worked up.

Above: The Most Reverend Katharine Jefferts Schori, Presiding Bishop and Primate of The Episcopal Church of America.

As I said this weekend, I'm not a very good Episcopalian. Yes, I go to church and I make my donations, but my faith don't quite rise to the level of sainthood. In fact, I might best be called an agnostic theist, though I acknowledge the inherent contradictions and problems with that point of view. For me, contradictions are not a fatal flaw. Many, many elements of my life are at odds with each other and I feel no drive to resolve them. I nurture my contrary nature.

This is not to say that religion, and specifically the Episcopal Church of America, is not important to me. My participation is sincere. The inherent unprovable nature of deity does not invalidate the benefits of morality, ethics, love, support, and community which are the result of religion at its (arguably rarely seen) best. I cannot know and will not pretend to have discerned the nature and will of God, but the beliefs of the Episcopal Church constitute a reasonable "best guess" to me, and as a practical matter it is undeniable that my participation in church is a net benefit to my life, and I hope to the lives of others.

Then there's the fact that I'm a gay man. I don't think I need to delve into the variety of ways in which my life departs from the "traditional" American norm and the lifestyle of the majority. Read a few posts down if you have any doubts about that.

These two parts of my life are important to me, so I watch the "Current Unpleasantness" unfolding within the Anglican Communion with great interest. To briefly summarize the recent statement from the bishops: we love our gays, but we promise not to marry them or make them bishops until doing so isn't going to cause a rift in the Communion. Also: get off our turf, African bishops!

The last part is actually the easiest to support. How in the world can anyone allow the prejudices of the continent of Africa influence the lives of so many Americans?
We are vastly different cultures in far more ways than just our tolerance of homosexuality. We generally have no problem coexisting with those differences, though we'd never consider allowing one culture to impose its way of living on the other. Why in this one area does it become reasonable? Who are these American bishops who can look their peers in the eye while facilitating this incursion into their jurisdiction, which has borders that should be protected as a matter of course, for patriotic reasons, if nothing else? It boggles the mind.

As the issue of full inclusion of gays, I don't find myself terribly worked up about any of the recent events. I accepted long ago that I am on the outside of American culture. I don't believe in marriage for anyone--least of all the gays. Why are we fighting to join this failed, flawed, and feeble institution? My relationships are not likely to ever fit into the mold it demands. For the rest, I acknowledge that full inclusion and open participation for gays in every part of the church is an appropriate and admirable goal, and at the same time I'm not shocked or dismayed that we haven't quite reached it yet. To me it seems that the bishops are taking baby steps toward the goal, or at the very least are not giving up ground. Their most recent proclamation does not represent "caving in" to the African demands. They have merely slowed the rate of progression toward full inclusion.

We'll get there, I'm confident of that. I will continue to support those who fight for inclusion. I will also be happy with a result that finds the middle ground and maintains the fabric of the church. Compromise is a good thing. Time and generational change will ultimately wear away at these illogical prejudices.

At any rate, I'll be praying for that in church on Sunday.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Best ad ever.

This is, without a doubt, one of my favorite advertisements ever.

The fact that it pisses off CWA and zillions of other crazies makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I told you I'm a weird Episcopalian.

Via Towleroad.

Without clothes.

Above: poster for this Wednesday's Newd party at the Eagle.

The image is of a bondage scene created by Bonfire and myself at the last party. I'm rather proud of how it turned out and the photo by Peter Lau makes it look even better than it did in person.

The upcoming party has a "best of" theme and you can bet Michelangelo has an exciting and outrageous lineup of fun. I'm on board for another rope creation and some other surprises.

Nekked are crazy talented, hot, and great to hear live.

Come out and enjoy NYC's freshest concept in fetish art and entertainment.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

A meme I like.

You scored as Experimental,Experimentation is a great place to be. Open-mindedness when it comes to sexuality can open doors and allow you to discover things that you didn't think you would find engaging. Having such a curious attitude can help you learn more about your own sexual nature as well as the nature of others.

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with QuizFarm.com

Experimental

93%

Submission

89%

Bondage

79%

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

61%

Switch

50%

Masochism

46%

Sadism

29%

Degradation

14%

Domination

14%

Vanilla Sex

0%

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with QuizFarm.com

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Emmel.

Well, another IML has come and gone.

Some quick stats: this was my sixth IML. Since "coming out" to leather in 2001 I have only missed the event once. In 2001 I attended after having my first leathersex only two weeks before and I saw my first puppy party. In 2002 the man who would later become my Daddy took me to my first puppy party. In 2003 I was wearing Dad's collar on a full-time basis and at the end of the weekend he asked me to figure out how to move to NYC. In 2004 I was one Summer class away from finishing my college degree and on the verge of moving to NYC. In 2005 I judged the IML contest as a New Yorker.

By 2006 things were very much on the rocks with Dad & Moose and none of us went to IML. I don't even remember anyone bringing up the possibility.

Thus, IML 2007 was a transitional year for me. For the first time I went as a single boy with a full understanding of leathersex, the leather community, and the possibilities around me. For the first time I was obligated to no one but myself.

In some ways it was a quiet year. I did not have sex. I did not play. I flirted and licked some boots in the 16th floor cigar lounge, but that's as far as anything went.

In some ways it was a boisterous year. I reconnected with friends from Kansas City, friends from around the country, and many of the beautiful men in the IML class I judged. I passed out trick cards shamelessly and gregariously introduced myself to anyone who seemed interested or merely came too close to me. I was "on" in every sense of the word. For the first time since learning the meaning of leather community I was free to socialize at my own breakneck pace, unfettered by the need to let someone else take the lead in all things.

In some ways it was a new year. I shared a room with my club brothers Rare and Jink. They're the absolute bee's knees, and that's really all I can say about them without getting mushy, which I did more than enough of in the last post. It was the first IML each of them had attended. Rare found a new appreciation for his own hotness. Jink found new success in his work at the Leatherman and Fort Troff booths. I discovered new friendships with Matt, Christophe, and Max. Densemore is full of new life experiences and a new appreciation for NYC. And there was new leather everywhere, plus lots of other new stuff that I've forgotten due to a new appreciation for Jack & Coke.

And now, more than a week late with my IML blog post, I have new custom-made leather pants which are payment for my work at the Leatherman booth that weekend. They're the low-waist jean cut, in all black, modified with shallow L-pockets in front, inside pockets in back, light grey stitching all around, and a dozen other little changes to make them fit me just right. I love them and my butt looks fantastic in them!

And while it may sound shallow, my friends, if your butt looks good, then all is going well in the world.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Subliminal sublimation.

Lately I've been thinking I'm not a submissive anymore.

WAIT!!! STOP!!! Don't go getting carried away. I'm still a "boy" and a leatherboy at that. There are many different elements that make up boys and being a sub is not necessarily part of it.

However, I haven't been feeling particularly submissive lately. In fact, when my sub friends mention asking permission to do this or that, I find myself getting rather irritable. How dare anyone tell my friends what to do? Nevermind that my friends have actually sought this out; my gut reaction is to correct the injustice.

I wasn't always this way. Just a few years ago I was glad to submit myself in a whole variety of ways, and I found it very hot. I'd stand with my hands behind my back and I'd walk a step behind in public. I wore my collar constantly, taking it off only to shower because I didn't want to ruin the silver.

Back then some of my friends did not understand the submission. No matter how much I explained it, they could not get on board with my decision to be "less than." This used to frustrate me, but now I understand where they were coming from. How things change.

I wonder whether I'll ever go back to it. I imagine I will when it comes to sex. It's not such a big deal to be the sub in a scene. Perhaps I've become the kind of boy I used to mock, the kind who is only brave enough to submit in bed.

I don't think I'll be mocking that kind of boy any more. I'm also not sure anymore that it's a lack of bravery which brings me to this place. It takes balls to grow up.