Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Subliminal sublimation.

Lately I've been thinking I'm not a submissive anymore.

WAIT!!! STOP!!! Don't go getting carried away. I'm still a "boy" and a leatherboy at that. There are many different elements that make up boys and being a sub is not necessarily part of it.

However, I haven't been feeling particularly submissive lately. In fact, when my sub friends mention asking permission to do this or that, I find myself getting rather irritable. How dare anyone tell my friends what to do? Nevermind that my friends have actually sought this out; my gut reaction is to correct the injustice.

I wasn't always this way. Just a few years ago I was glad to submit myself in a whole variety of ways, and I found it very hot. I'd stand with my hands behind my back and I'd walk a step behind in public. I wore my collar constantly, taking it off only to shower because I didn't want to ruin the silver.

Back then some of my friends did not understand the submission. No matter how much I explained it, they could not get on board with my decision to be "less than." This used to frustrate me, but now I understand where they were coming from. How things change.

I wonder whether I'll ever go back to it. I imagine I will when it comes to sex. It's not such a big deal to be the sub in a scene. Perhaps I've become the kind of boy I used to mock, the kind who is only brave enough to submit in bed.

I don't think I'll be mocking that kind of boy any more. I'm also not sure anymore that it's a lack of bravery which brings me to this place. It takes balls to grow up.

1 comment:

SR said...

I'm glad you finally caught up with me.